Brown Bear Nation Welcome to the Brown Bear Episodes. Sit back, relax, read, view, and possibly enjoy the post-grad saga of a girl with no shame and a whole lot of heart.

         After a long weekend of boozing and eating things that were not so good for my health I came home Sunday night and went right to bed. I woke up the next day and got ready for school, I went through my Monday routine like always, GRE Math prep then library seclusion for the next few hrs. I realized that I had an appointment in downtown GR so I went downtown later that day and met with my mentor for an couple of hrs. By the time I was done it was pretty dark outside and I had to take the bus back to the A’dale campus. So I crossed the street and while I was crossing I noticed a muscular guy merging across the street with me. When we both got to the other side of the street a crazy man came running down the street. He looked like he was possessed. He was foaming at the mouth and was running rapidly like an animal on his hands. The crazy man ran toward me, but the muscular man blocked him quickly and I helped wrestle the man to the ground. Then the muscular man whips out this blade and cuts of the cazy guys head. I’m “shit my pants” scared. So the muscular guy turns to me and asks me if I was injured or if I had any wounds. I’m backing away from him in complete shock. I don’t understand whats happening. The muscular guy sees that I am frightened and explains that he works for the gov’t and there has been an outbreak , you know Resident Evil/I AM LEGEND style outbreak of a virus that turns infect people into rabid psychopaths. We check me for cuts or scars because besides digestion its the only way one could get infected. I’m shaking in my boots, but he picks me up and drives me home. I appear not to be harmed so I calm down a bit. 

        On the way home we start talking about what happened and how the outbreak occured. He is very frank and confides in me. We become fast friends as he talks about his best friend he lost who worked for the lab that engined the virus. For some reason I end up in Chicago at my parents house and I invite the muscular man to stay. My mom, dad, sister, and brother are all there. We gather around the television as World News Tonight explains the crisis. No one is really panicked. It seems like for the most part, its just start to keep one’s eyes open and never go any place alone. The muscular man stays with my family for a few days and bonds with me and my family.

        I start to feel weird though. My body aches, I can hear weird things, and my eyes itch. I heard that these are the first symptoms. I check my boy over and over for cuts and then I see it. A tiny cut I got in the struggle with the crazy man Monday. Its in between my middle finger and ring finger. I don’t know how it happened but it did. I fall to my knees and start to cry. The muscular man hears me weeping and he asks me what’s wrong. I show him my cut and he holds me on the bathroom floor. I know that I have to die, that I have to kill myself before the virus takes over or I’ll be in extreme pain. People with the virus lose parts of their brain and their bones reassemble. Most of all, I could hurt my family. Muscular man takes me to a field and I ask Muscular man to kill me, but he says he just couldn’t, he wouldn’t. I scream vehemently, that if he is my friend, if he doesn’t want me to suffer like his friend that he’ll do it. He turns his back and I tell him to at least let me do it. He gives me a gun and makes me swear that I will at least say goodbye to my family. 

       I go to my family, each member individually and tell them that I’ve been infected. My mom is first. She is calm and beautiful. She soothes me and assures me that god has plans for me. She holds me to her tightly and prays and I lie limp in her arms. I close my eyes and wonder what I did to deserve this. What is to be done, now must be done. So in talking to her, I have the strength to tell me brother and sister. They are all in utter disbelief at what has happened and what I will become. Tears at this point will not improve the situation and my siblings, they are speechless. I am broken-hearted that I will not get to see my sister grow up.  Finally, I take my dad out to get ice cream. We sit in the car eating our ice cream and I can feel myself wanting to attack my dad. I’m fighting back tears b/c I don’t know how I can tell my dad that his first baby girl is a becoming a monster, that I’m about to die. I think to myself, why would I ever want to hurt my daddy? I slowly tell him and he grabs me as if he’ll never let go. I wish he wouldn’t, I wish he didn’t have to. Later that night, we have an amzing family dinner and hang out like when I was little. Then my family asks about my plans and how long I had until I turned completely. The muscular man who left by the way told me a week at the most. So I prepare to depart the next day. Hoping that I wake up still ”me.” I wake up the next day and I haven’t mutated yet. Thus, I grab my bags, say my goodbye, get in my car, and don’t look back. For two days, I drive until I find a place where I could kill myself and not be discovered or bothered. It is here where I alone contemplate actually using the gun the muscular man gave me. I bring it to my head several times and I realize, I just don’t think I could do it. I then scream, “I wish I was dreaming!” Suddenly, I jump up and realize I was actually dreaming.

       It all looked and felt so real. I had no doubt in my mind while I was dreaming that everything was genuine and that I was actually going to die. I kept wishing that I was dreaming…I end went to sleep in my dream, but I guess I wasn’t ready to truly wake up until I got to the end. Reality, for the first time in my life, is a far less depressing.