Brown Bear Nation I'm just a brown bear in a world without honey, these are my bad decisions, my writing pieces, my music, my thoughts, my favorite things, and they are all here for you to read and make fun of, because I do.

..Becoming the Bridesmaid..

As I was watching 27 Dresses on HBO for the first time tonight instead watching the votes being counted, I wondered if I would forever be Katherine Heigel’s character. I obviously do not wnat to get married at any point in my life, but I also don’t want to be an observer, to be the one watching my closest friends having fun, getting crazy, making mistakes, and getting the guys while I barely allow myself to. I am a becoming control freak. I am. It is, honestly, becoming a struggle at times to let lose, to enjoy myself when I’m out and not think about everything else I need to do. I couldn’t even allow myself to drink at my own birthday party….When I have fun, I wake up the next day and feel tremendously guilty. I don’t want to be an observer, but I don’t know what to do. Am I just growing up or am I…I don’t know psychologically burying another problem through my self control? hmmmmmmmmmmm