Brown Bear Nation I'm just a brown bear in a world without honey, these are my bad decisions, my writing pieces, my music, my thoughts, my favorite things, and they are all here for you to read and make fun of, because I do.

          I think that there are times in all of our lives when something will come and bite us in the ass. For me, I’m pretty certain my bite will come in the near future. Someone tell me how we all search for the smart, sweet, sincere significant other and when he or she finally comes along, you’re just not feeling it. I finally really put myself back out there and I’m trying to start something with a really fantastic individual and well, its just not working out. I’ll acknowledge that it’s just not working out on my side alone, but hey, if its not working for me, it will eventually not work out for him. I know he’s really trying. He sees how uneasy I am, but I can’t explain how confused I am about relationships and romance right now. I’m exhausted mentally and I hate to say it, but he came into my life at a bad time. I’m pissed because I would love to be that girl for him, but as I attempt more and more, I can tell that my heart is not in it. No matter how much I appreciate him or like him, I’m just not suitable for dating. I am currently the Barbie that came without a brush and extra outfit. Timing is a motherfucker. I’ve heard never to jump into something after a break up or relationship, but I didn’t really consider the eventual mindfuck that was Derek a break up. It was the inevitable, I was just too blind for a while to realize it. I clearly am not ready.

         What sucks the most about this situation is that I hated that Derek basically gave up on the small things so I gave up on him. This kid does the small things without me asking, he does it often and randomly and I hate it lol. It literally makes me sick lol. Why? =(  What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m so confused. I’m starting to wonder if I made Derek sick in the same way… Well, It doesn’t matter. I’m absolutely done with that. Yet, I am not in the right mindset to begin anything. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to let him go so soon, but I can’t keep him so close. I need to date around. Attachment is too hard on my brain, my heart and I don’t know how to make it right. I want to fix this. He really likes me. He asked me and I avoided the question. I avoid a lot of questions, ya know. I genuinely don’t know. Or..or do I?